Do You Want To Be Here?

Many are wakening up, but find that chaos is kicking in again and again causing pain, mental confusion, fear, doubt, indecisiveness, drama.

I lived a very ordinary life for many years. Slowly I began noticing that something was missing. I felt that I was just surviving, there had to be more to life than that. You can say that the part of me experiencing things in the external world was kind of withdrawing, and the internal part of me, my soul was awakening.

Instinctively I knew not to tell others what I was feeling. They were not there at all, they would think I was losing my mind, tell me to pull myself together, that I was making it up….. But I was felt tired, stuck, exhausted, alone, unworthy, ugly and most of all, I didn’t have a clue as to what was taking place.

One day I found myself, standing out in nature loudly screaming out to God – I want to go home. Absolute silence was the only response I got. I heard the heavy sigh from my body, knowing I wouldn’t end my life, knowing that this moment was a turning point. It became the start of my journey, to find what was missing in my life.

When we ask ourselves “Do I want to be here”? we can’t depend on the answers of others, we are on our own, and our human part gets caught up mentally, for what am I going to do, where will the money come from, what about my job/no job, what about my family/no family, am I going crazy……? Our spirit only cares about the love of self, the remembering of self, just wants us to wake up. If we insist on being asleep, our soul pretends to be asleep too… We are sculpturing our lives exactly as we want it

My mind often would block me, would try to analyze and figure things out, but it never succeeded. It was only when I was still, would sit breathing, focusing on my breath, my belly, not the thoughts in my head, I could feel things move and change, I was going beyond my mind.

Along the way I met many other beings, claiming to have THE TRUTH, just to find it was their truth, not mine. My luck was, for the most part, that it was easy for me to discern whether others truths were true for me. If not, I would feel these energetic discomforts as if my cells stood on ends, a lesson from the many may times I allowed myself to eat what others served me and experiencing the flatness and hollowness of it, at that time, not knowing why

One day after yet another of these “do I want to be here?” moments, I stumbled over a spiritual website and I felt the truth emanating, I felt my cells resonate with the energy embedded in it. I began listening to the free audio material of the site and began understanding what it was all about.

What was missing was me, my essence in this reality, in the moment, my soul. I had given away so much of myself to other Gods (other people’s belief systems, parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, bosses, colleagues, the church, world leaders, the military, smart business people, I had gotten entangled in their drama, buying into their stuff, and not allowed and dared my own God presence to take part in my life.

As so many others I had been led to believe that others were better, had more, were more right etc, which also is a way to blame others, to be the victim. Now there is no one to blame No more blaming, no more victimhood. I take full responsibility for my own creations.

I will not say that this insight got rid of this recurrent question..it has been a regular visitor over the years. Each time caused by mental frustration, fear, doubt which would send my energies spinning.

When I hear this question now, I know and feel how far I had come since I last posed that very question, and now I smile, because the unknown territory feels  so much more exciting that the old restricted but known territory. I am going Home. I am merging with all parts and aspects of my soul. Home is here on earth.  We are indeed the ones we have been waiting for, we are the change. I had been waiting for myself to take that very conscious choice of inviting back my soul, my essence into my life, to unconditionally accept and love myself.

Had I known then, that my deep lifelong yearning for Home indeed was my Home in this reality, it would have been much easier.  From my heart to yours – can you invite in the soul and essence of you into your life, and invite it again and again? Our essence does not come to judge us, it is unconditional love.

In the process we break loose from our old identity, our old limiting beliefs, expectations, drama. And when I hear the question now I also hear myself asking “can I allow even more joy, happiness, freedom to come into my life”? And I hear the big YES. I am healing myself, transmuting the old. What I am also experiencing is it is so much easier for my body to process food, there is less working things out  in the mind,  I feel healthier, more whole. I am God also, we all are.

Outgrowing The Old Familiar World

As we walk our talk, we may experience that friends or family members suddenly seem as total strangers to us.  It can be chocking and most weird taking into account that we may have been sharing so much with them for years, laughing, joking, crying together.  But all of a sudden it may feel as if a veil has been lifted, and we see them in a new way. Being with them can all of a sudden feel boring, tedious, and we may have to end the relationship.

A friend of mine went out to dinner with a couple she hadn’t met for some years. “That was the most surrealistic experience” she told me. The conversation was superficial and hollow, the woman would complain about all sort of things, her husband would say almost nothing. My friend’s attempts to turn the conversation in a more interesting direction had no effect.

When we have those experiences, our new reality, or the frequency with which we vibrate, doesn’t match the old, this includes old friends, and we have no choice but to part. They do not understand us, and we do not understand them.

I have heard others feeling ashamed and guilty about this, “I shouldn’t be feeling like this”, “I feel I am wrong to think this”.  It is not wrong.  Those feelings are true feelings.

Often the insights cause grief and loneliness. For if they aren’t no longer in our life, who are then?  There may even be a tendency to want to go back to the “good old days”, to have things as they were before, despite the fact that we know it isn’t possible.  Life must be lived forward. The faster we accept this, the easier it is.

When clarity sets in, it’s time to choose. Then doubt and fear creep in.  ”Am I doing the right thing?”, for the consequences may feel unendurable as our familiar world is about to change. And we are the creator!

For every door we are closing behind us, new doors are opened in front of us.  We will meet new people vibrating at more suitable frequencies, we are letting go of the past and allowing new potentials into our life.  

As we say our goodbyes, our old friends may even want to manipulate us into staying,  play the victim game, be angry at us.  Don’t buy into it.  Are we allowing ourselves to be drawn into their games, please them, feeling guilty, we have an agenda  – not daring to be honest, not honoring our feelings. And wasn’t that what we originally wanted, to let go of things that don’t serve us?

We do not owe others anything, but may have a true desire to be authentic, real, honest and true. Pretending won’t do it. When we walk out of other people’s lives, we are not better than they are. We just have another train to catch. We may even meet up with some of our old friends along the trail.

Healing and Clearing Our Fears

In the last couple of days I have been pondering about the emotions guilt and shame and the fear of it.  At our very core we all have guilt and shame which can block us from moving on, from taking new chances, from speaking our truth, from letting others see us as we are. If we have much energy stuck here, we will tend to self sabotage ourselves, have a lot of internal mental discussions about what would happen if…, what others think, there can be confusion, doubt, and endless array of mental chatter in our mind.

The other day I suddenly recalled my dad mocking me for my acne as a teenager, just as other small incidents surfaced. Even though that comment, like many others during my childhood may seem so insignificant now, that child felt shameful and unworthy.  A bit later that day I recalled my mother’s many “phews” ,  the “shame on you”,  “ I will tell daddy when he comes home”….(which of course meant trouble..big trouble).

Other small  incidents from an early age up came to the forefront. I remembered how that little girl was left to feel very shameful, guilty and unworthy.   

Our parents were the persons we loved the most, they represented our first experiences of love, trust, acceptance, God. Therefore being shamed and being made feeling guilty, our little boy or girl would feel rejected, abandoned, not worthy of their love, not worthy to be loved, ugly, a bad girl/boy, not good enough, wrong, shoot out of the body, because they cannot handle it.

It could have been siblings, our friends in school, teachers or others that put us down, mocked or criticized us leaving us feeling guilty and shamed.  I recall a teacher loudly declaring in class to the eight year old girl in me, about how utterly ugly my knitting was –  “you are such a sloppy girl”. I remember the shame, the anger and the frozen feeling “I am not here” a way to hide my feelings. Being a left-handed, my mind wouldn’t understand  her  right-handed instructions

As children we often have no choice but to eat what our parents and other grown up serve us, this goes for the  food on the table, their opinions, their thoughts about the world, their feelings.

I recall the many times at the dinner table where the fat on the cutlet or joint would just grow in my mouth, but family rule was  -  “you eat what is on your plate”.  The little girl envied her brother. He managed to vomit once as our mother served a certain dish, and from that incident on, he was excused….had a backdoor out. I never succeeded to vomit, though The little girl in me felt she was left with no options but to behave, be a nice girl and swallow whatever was presented to her.

First much later did I realize that I don’t  have to own other people’s stuff, and began taking back my power, only to find that indeed, I was the creator of my reality.

The absolutely good thing is, that  we can heal and clear our fears and our emotions. I am amazed at the stories I hear from clients after DNA clearing sessions.

Consider for a moment the motives behind mocking and criticism!  

Why would anybody mock or criticize another person?

It may be that that other person (you) have something, they don’t have, something they want…and a way to get it is mocking, criticism, pin you down.  It may be that that other person thinks he/she has THE TRUTH, when the truth is, there are many truths. What is true for me may not necessarily be true for another! Right? And how awful not to be right, if you have a need to be right!  Then we have all the religious beliefs about sin and shame. There may be other reasons, but again, we don’t own others’ truths, if we do not choose so. So if something another person says or do, doesn’t feel either right or good, it’s not your truth. I remember one of my facilitators saying to me – the truth feels light, expansive, good.

Consider also situations with fear of shame and guilt. Guilt and shame and fear of it are awful emotions, nobody wants it, and a way to avoid this is passing it on to somebody else.  Letting others manipulate us into those emotions, we find ourselves fulfilling their desires and wants, but are not there for ourselves. And if we are not there for us, we are being created by others! We are being created by others!!

Shame is a deep-rooted fear of being cast off, of not having anyone to love us, to care for us. It is rooted in our cellular memories and DNA.  Being shamed indicates that we are a bad person, selfish, unworthy, and just as importantly, we all carry the emotion forward from many other lifetimes. Those aspects or part of us, that we do not integrate, tend to follow us, life after life.

Now contemplate the following:  Theree is NO guilt and NO shame in the now. The future is not yet created, none the less we tend to carry old emotions forward. We don’t need to.

How we respond to things are up to us. Emotions as fear of shame and guilt are emerging only as a result of our past experiences.  We can heal those old emotions. Guilt was unconsciously used to control us, to make us obey, to protect us, there are probably many other reasons – what about “you are making me so mad”, “when mommy does this for you……”, ”what would the neighbors not think, when…” etc.?

As I see it, we have a choice as how to respond, dare we let go, we are able to move on and not deny our power, for we are all the creators ourselves.  Nobody has any power over you, unless we choose so!

Can you be so brave and bold to start having your needs and desires met?  Can you allow yourself to share your gifts, your essence? 

What would it feel like the next time somebody criticized you, said unkind things to you? Instead of the mental conclusion “they don’t like me”….you may even begin to hear new thoughts in your head…

Mother Earth Calling Human Angels

Woo hoo, the new energy is moving in on waves of  change, renewal, challenges, openings, potentials, shifts….nothing is predicable.

Mother Earth is communicating with us through earthquakes, volcanoes, unpredictable and strange weather patterns. There will be more of this as Mother Earth is releasing the old, distorted, dense energy. It will cause so much fear, anger, frustration, and sexual wounds to rise to the surface. All that has been hidden can’t longer be hidden. We already are seing it in the news, and we ourselves may experience it as drama, unrest, disturbed sleep patterns, intense dreams, a sense of danger or anxiety, a need to hurry, overeating, emotional outbursts, stress,etc. Emotions are being stirred and cracked wide open for us to make the next move. Mother Earth will no longer carry the shit, it’s ours. Clean up-time.

And I know that all those emotions are causing deep fear, for am I going insane many will ask themselves? Emotions can also cause tension, pain, sorrow, anger, anxiety, hatred etc.  I know, for I have been there myself, and am still shoveling my remnants. It can seem as a never ending process, for we have all created so many aspects of ourselves. Part of ourselves we didn’t like, we judged, we rejected, we sent away. But they are there, all the time, we just pretend, they are not….But they want to come home to you, want your acceptance, want your compassion. Nothing more.

The old familiar world is coming to an end, a new world is emerging. What we choose is up to us.

Are you feeling the knock on your door, feeing the inner you awakening, wanting to come back to you? It is your soul and you wanting to come together.

We have pretended to be small humans, playing the game of forgetting who we were. For many this lifetime is about embracing the divine part of you, inviting back every part of you that you left behind; all the times you couldn’t cope with life, all the times you experienced abandonment, betrayal, judgments, rejection, anger….and more.

Allow you to feel whatever you feel, choose to be free to be you, without any of your internal judgments, choose to be the creator you are, choose to allow others to pursue their path, choose not to take anything personal, choose to embrace the now as the point of creation.

We are beginning to open our prison which has made up of control, rules, regulations, others opinions.

And yes, others will react to our new attitude and behavior, the I Am that I Am. Some won’t like it, will leave you, others will applaud you. It doesn’t matter, you are the one you have been waiting for, and you are never ever alone. With every breath you take, you can actually feel the unconditional love and support of your soul. We have legions of angels in the angelic realms supporting and loving us. You are not alone. Many have walked the same path, gone through exactly the same integration. I know what you feel, and I know how it is to be feeling so alone, lost, scared.

Today my advice is – BE good to yourself, accept that there will be days when you just want to lie in bed with the blankets over your head, there will be days where you want to cry, days you want to scream, days where you are angry. But also know days will come where you feel great joy, as new insights and understanding floods in. Days will come where you feel the compassion and love for yourself, days where you just know.  New friends will knock on your door, new opportunities come your way.

Know that every breath in is the acceptance of life, the now, and every breath out the release of what no longer serve you.

So the message from Mother Earth is a wake up call. Observe what is going on in your life, be in the now, breathe, let go of the way you see and do things, of things that no longer serves you.

Awareness will be a key, allowing us to observe things from a  different perspective, from a safe space, continuing the process of opening our hearts and surrending to the NOW, again and again with every breath.

I AM

We are all source, and will manifest our choices, beliefs, patterns, may they be conscious or unconscious. Daily we find ourselves state for example - I’m tired,  I hate this job, my boss, I’m too fat, I’m sick, I haven’t enough …., I’m afraid that.., I don’t want this or that, just to find that we are creating exactly what we are stating!

We are the manifestations of our choices, beliefs and patterns. I invite you to feel into this for a moment.

But what would happen if we started to state what we really desire in life - I AM creation – I AM love – I AM gratitude -I AM perfect health – I AM peace – I AM  joy – I AM happiness - I AM abundance – I AM freedom.. I AM…(you fill in the blanks).

It requires AWARENESS to become conscious creators! Now what do I mean by this? We see and feel our world undergoing so many changes now, we see it as earthquakes, intense weather patterns, and we ourselves experience it through inner emotional upheavals, drama, trauma and change.

When we are aware, we are able to choose something else for ourselves, if we don’t like what we are serving for ourselves, or what others are serving for us!

When we are aware we are able to let go of limiting beliefs, transmute the old, let go of the drama and the trauma. A first choice could be (or whatever you choose) to be AWARE of our thoughts, awareness will reveal limiting patterns and beliefs, we are carrying forward, belief that are not even ours in the first place, but may be the beliefs of our first teachers;  our parents, but we also carry forward beliefs of our grandparents, teachers, neighbors, colleagues etc.

No wonder we are so caught up in drama, frustrated and fearful. So much is not even ours. We own only what we choose to own!

We have a choice when we hear that belittling voice in our head, or when we hear somebody else trying to belittle us.

In that moment of the now, breathe in and state what you desire…I intend, command, direct, proclaim whatever you desire, let go, and let all energies come in to serve you. 

Choose to go into conscious choosing mode. What do you want?

 We can easily define what we don’t want. It’s more difficult to define what we want. A wonderful woman called me. She had created such drama in her life and was stuck. The moment she understood that there was a choice, she was able to let go of the sadness, the drama, and able in the now to choose something much more supporting for her.

When what we claim to be ours, it may be happiness, financial abundance, a joyous relationship, or whatever it is we wish for do not manifest, we have to take a look at what we are missing.

Quick Guide To Manifestations – A.

Everything is delivered to us in the now moment. So when I state to myself, to the universe, to bring me something, I first have to acknowledge that this very moment of  NOW is the point of creation.  Normally when we desire something, we imagine it in the future. That doesn’t work. Feel it, see it, sense it, hear it, smell it and taste it as NOW. The NOW is the moment of creation. 

In that now moment I know that I’m perfect, I’m whole and complete, and I then claim what I wish for. I can feel my desire expanding from me like waves. I am calling, directing, ordering, proclaiming this to be brought to me and so it is. Just like when we order a menu at a restaurant, and know that it will be brought to us. We never doubt that, do we?

Invoke whatever you desire and let yourself expand with your feelings with the wording, and if you just expand without words that will work too. It’s the feeling that is important.  What will this make you feel? Do you feel freedom, joy, abundance, happiness, there is only you to know what you desire and how this feels.

Our imagination will take us everywhere, and that’s a fact. How many times have we been scaring ourselves with imaginary thoughts of what if….fill in the blanks.

If things are not coming our way, we are blocking ourselves, and we will be sitting there waiting for it to come true, more about this in my next blog.

The Awakening You

We better embrace change. It is here to stay.
So many people who were seemingly unawake and unaware,  just a short while ago are beginning to express a deep desire for a more heart-centered life. The early stages in the awakening process often manifests as a general dissatisfaction with self, life in general. Things that before seemed interesting become totally uninteresting, too boring.
We are allowing the old human illusions of who we thought we were to fade away.
And this causes anxiety, fear and depression.
We have to find a new standpoint.

In the process we are discovering that we are God also. There is no outside God or hell to condemn us. We may be scared of letting go of the old concepts of God and hell, and it will take a while for us to come to that point where we understand I AM GOD ALSO.
In the awakening process we melt with our souls and integrate all that is us. The process will propel us to start questioning things. And gosh, haven’t we been used to eat just the food put in front of us, whether it was by authorities, church dogmas, banks, businesses, our partners, parents, friends and medias.

Now we are stepping into another scenario. Nobody out there has the answers. We have. A desire to listen to the voice our soul, our inner answers and to step into our own mastery propel us step by step, away from outside drama, into inner knowing and wisdom.

Because we are used to look for answers from others, we try desperately to find new answers from others.
But others may either not understand what we are talking about, or we may stubble into teachers preaching their beliefs and their truths.
The answers we need are not found outside of us. We have them within us, though we have held on to the belief that the answers were somewhere else.

Our job in the awakening process now is to dive into ourselves, to the most true and sacred place to allow the answers to come to us.
Answers from your soul come to you in the quiet moments, in the moments of acceptance of yourself.

It is often scary to let go. However, as we gradually do, we are releasing stuck and wounded energy in our physical body.
Every time we let go, we will experience the relief and a new freedom. And we more and more realize that fear was only an illusion.

As we move ever closer to 2012 more of our old shadow energy is coming up, personally and globally. The more we are able to clear our own shadow material the less we will be triggered individually.
Blabbing positive affirmations won’t do it. It is all about allowing ourselves to observe behind the short wall, and consciously choosing to let go of the old and invite in pure divine answers.

Doing this we will gradually step out of duality, a consciousness where we judge things as either good or bad. We discover, things are just as they are. We come to accept ourselves, others, things in the outside world. That is freedom.
The shifts and transformations are gradually taking place as we clear duality’s old layers one by one.

The awakening process will require us to focus within ourselves, not on the outer physical world, and it will require that we question ourselves, again and again. True answers resonate with our heart, bring us joy.